This weekend, I texted my friend Gemma…
“Life is supposed to feel a little gray during these stages right?” I asked. I was sad about my recent breakup; the dark winter felt endless; and things I usually enjoyed — seeing a movie, taking a long walk, daydreaming about travel — felt blah and uninteresting. Was I depressed or just…human?
“Yes, you’re supposed to feel gray,” she texted back. “The feelings will move through you, and sparkly feelings will then replace them. Buy yourself some deli flowers today (in person, it makes a difference) and a new shower gel that smells amazing (again, in person). Next time I see you I will hug you so hard you will wonder at my brute strength.”
Since Gemma always knows best, I went outside, crunched through the snow, and picked out pink flowers (pictured above) from the bodega. They have since bloomed beautifully and look very cheerful on the kitchen counter.
Then Anton and I headed out to find a luxurious body wash. This one was the obvious winner — it smells sooooooo good. And Gemma was right, having a low-stakes mission out in the world, getting fresh air, and smiling at strangers felt bolstering.
We then returned home to play with speed stacking cups, which we discovered at the Guinness World Records Museum a few years ago. We have become extremely fast cup stackers, ngl, and the best part is, when you’re carefully building little blue towers, you don’t have time to think about missing someone.
That night, my friend Mo brought over cool stickers to make vision boards…
…and, knowing how nice it feels to get into a good book, I dove into this gripping novel which follows the relationship between a female robot and her human owner. It explores themes of intimacy, power, sex, and autonomy, and I keep staying up until midnight reading it.
Finally, I once read that when you break up with a romantic partner, you often miss the physical touch, along with the actual person. My friend offered to rub my shoulders the other day while watching TV, and now I’m going to remember to offer a shoulder rub to friends going through something in the future — it’s such a gift!
I saw this lip balm at a store, and it made me laugh
Overall, it’s hard to be sad — I wish I could skip it — but I know you have to run through the storm. How are you doing these days? What cheers you up when you’re down? Sending the biggest hug to anyone (everyone?) who needs one. xoxoxo
P.S. Four things to say to a friend after a breakup, and five more pick-me-ups.
